It will be interesting and I'm quite nervous; I am planning on adopting several new routines that are going to be jarring for students who are used to being able to wander around when and where they want, and who are used to having lots of down time in which they can chat with friends. I'm in a placement where I don't get a lot of support for trying new things ("Did that turn out the way you hoped it would?" is what my mentor teacher frequently writes in the notebook she keeps while she observes me). So the fear of messing up or failing is acute. I feel like I have to prove her doubts wrong, but of course I am not 100% confident in my choices.
There is also the fact that I'm trying to develop these new routines--for instance, I want to let students work together much more than what they have been doing, but my mentor teacher says they'll just use that time to talk. And I worry very much that she's right! I don't know exactly how to ensure that they use the time productively. My methods teacher, to whom I owe so much of how I think of myself as a teacher today, says, "if you want something, get it." Meaning, if you expect something of your students, don't just wring your hands when you don't get it, but make sure you have a plan to get what it is that you expect.
One thing my mentor teacher is really excited about is the technology I've proposed using in class. She used to complain about teachers who check out the projector for the whole year. But when I went to check one out for a lesson I wanted to do that involved a power point presentation, I saw that there were three carts that are never checked out. I remembered the presentation by he three alumnae who came (this summer?) to talk to us about technology in their schools...the guy (I don't remember his name!) who taught at the IB school said that often there is technology in the school that sits collecting dust. So I checked out the projector for a week, and now my mentor teacher is totally on board. I teased her and said, "J, you are one of Those People now!"
She wants me to teach her how to use all these tools that I'm telling her about--I've started an Edmodo site for the class, and I'm giving the students a poll to take about their cell phones so I can see about using Wallwisher, Polls Everywhere, and having them to projects with photos they take with their cell phones and send to me, or doing scavenger hunts with their cellphones, etc. This is an interesting position for me, because I don't at all think of myself as particularly tech savvy. But her seeing me as the one to teach her about different tech tools gives me a sort of confidence that is inspiring me to seek out more information and try new things. I hope to update here about the things I try and do in class.
This week has been challenging, though. It has been exams week. That was the first thing that was really frustrating to me. The exam was a 100-question, multiple-choice Scantron exam. The questions on it were baffling. The students hardly ever learn about that "fifth skill" of WL learning, culture. They certainly never learn about it in any deep, critical, hands-on way. The "culture" portion of this class, such as it is, consists of them reading the little text boxes called "Nota Cultural" that are scattered throughout the chapters. The units barely have a theme, and the extent to which they do, culture is not a part of that theme at all. Students were told to read over those "Notas Culturales" to prepare for the exam. Here is an example of a question that came from the test: "Which of the following is NOT an example of something offered at the Fine Arts Museum of Mexico?" The choices were "dance classes; classes on Mexican culture; art exhibits; tours of bread shops." Seriously? So much for thoughtful assessments... Students were told to read the paragraph from the book about some museum in Mexico and memorize it for the test. Why? Why is that information important? What does that tell us about Mexican culture, that the museum offers certain classes? It outrages me to see students waste their time and brain cells uncritically memorizing pointless information like this.
Then, as I was proctoring my students' exam, my mentor teacher told me I needed to go next door to the Spanish I teacher's class, where a sub was proctoring the exam. My mentor teacher and this other teacher have created a "modified" versions of every quiz and test for students who are failing the class. This has been problematic for me from the beginning. For one, I have worked closely with the failing students in my class, and I have experienced firsthand that these are NOT kids with any kind of learning disability. These are kids who are, yes, by and large, checked out, who don't care, who don't try at all. But stupid they are not. And they *know* who gets these modified tests because my mentor teacher passes them out separately (when I pass out tests, I put the modified ones on the bottom and grab from the top or bottom, depending on who I'm giving the test to--which is kind of pointless at this point, actually, because the kids already know who gets the modified tests). In fact last week, I had an incident that broke my heart, when I asked a kid that I've been really pushing, a kid who is just totally "non-peforming," how his quiz went. He looked at me with this queer little twisted smile and said, "Bad." I asked him why and he says, "Because you forgot to give me the retard quiz." My heart just broke right there. I didn't even know what to say, so I told him, "D, we're gonna talk later." I wrote to my ed psych professor that night and got some great feedback from her. The next day, I told him I wanted to talk to him after class. I told him, "D. You broke my heart yesterday." He started getting kind of embarrassed, and I said, "Look, I know you're thinking, whatever, it's not that deep. But it is. Because I DON'T THINK YOU ARE DUMB. At all. I know you are a smart kid. And that's why I push you, D. Sra. G gives you these other tests because she wants to give you a stepping stone to start to help you succeed, but no one thinks you are dumb or that you can't do this. And I just want you to know that. And I want you to know that that's why I'm not going to stop bugging you to do your work." He smiled at me and said, "Yeah, ok." I have no idea what he thought, but I hope that he realizes that I believe in him. Because I do. I really do.
So then, I'm proctoring the exam for one of my classes and my mentor teacher tells me I need to go next door to the other Spanish class where the teacher is out and there is a sub because the sub forgot to give the "modified" (I put in quotes even thought it is, yes, modified--because really it's just dumbed-down--multiple choice with two choices instead of 4, all the conjugations written out, etc.) test to one student and I need to go and find him and give him the other test. The problem: a) I don't know this class and I have NO IDEA who this student is, so I have to somehow find him and interrupt a class of 30 quiet students who are taking their exam, ie, there's no way to do this and not embarrass this poor child, b) the test has already been going on for 20 minutes, so by the time I find him, he's already a quarter of the way through the test and the sub just tells him he has to begin again. He looked incredulous when I told him, and it made me sick. Later I told my mentor teacher that that made me really uncomfortable, but she just changed the subject. I really struggle with knowing to what extent it's appropriate to push her.
For instance we were doing the seating chart yesterday and she asked me to find a "nice white boy," to seat next to a new transfer student. Now, I can totally appreciate that she wanted to make this new student feel comfortable--but to frame that in terms of race?! Normally I can put on a good face with her, but I asked her point blank, "Why do we have to find a WHITE student to sit next to J?" and then she got kind of uncomfortable and started stammering that it didn't have to be a white student, but it did have to be someone nice and sensitive. As though the two are one and the same! So upsetting.
I am so grateful for all the work we did in my methods class with backward design, with thoughtful assessments, with classroom management and, perhaps above all, with our own, individual philosophy of teaching and learning. I am amazed at how clearly I see my identity as a teacher. I made a sort of poster for myself to hang over my desk to remind myself of my values as a teacher and to remind myself that my lessons and my teaching should always reflect those values. I wrote:
-self-assessment (teach students to assess their own work and performance)
-independence (teach students to be independent, let them make decisions about their own education)
-trust (trust that the majority of the students are going to do the right thing, and treat them accordingly)
-social justice/activism (I thank S for teaching us that teaching and activism need not be mutually exclusive)
-exploration/real-life learning (I want students to explore what is interesting and meaningful to them).
-cross-curricular teaching (I want students to make connections across content areas, and to strengthen skills that will serve them across content areas).
-study skills (it's important to me to teach how to be organized, how to take notes, how to read, etc.)
-intellectual character (I want students to think critically about things--more on that).
-caring (I try to get to know each of my students, and go out of my way to be kind to and care about even the most detached, eye-rolling, skeptical and apathetic among them)
-community (I want to build a community of learners in my class, building on each of their strengths and learning how to respect and value each other)
-respect (I will respect my students, their voice, their contribution, their autonomy...and I will expect them to respect me and each other by being prepared and coming to class ready to work).
This list has really been helpful to me as I go about designing lesson plans (to the extent to which I've been able to). I proposed to my mentor teacher showing the kids the documentary Precious Knowledge, which would be a way to talk about Latino culture here in the U.S. as well as opening up a dialogue about educational inequality. As the majority of my students are African American, I thought it would naturally open up a dialogue about, say, the case in Ann Arbor and, a decade later, the case in Oakland, CA, of school districts "teaching ebonics" (that's how I understood the controversy, at least, until I actually started researching it). My mentor teacher was unsurprisingly absolutely opposed to opening this dialogue and she assured me that I myself wouldn't be the least bit prepared to deal with the consequences. About which she is not entirely incorrect. So I wrote to S asking for her advice as to how to plan a unit like this, what to expect, and how to deal with whatever consequences as well as how to convince J and the administration that this is a worthwhile activity. I told J that we could leave at that, for now, and that I'd come at her with a firm plan later, which she could then evaluate again.
In terms of intellectual character, okay. So in October, the students watched some antiquated video about the Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico. Later, they had to answer the question (in Spanish): "What do Mexican children have no fear of?" The answer? "Death." It is exactly this kind of thing that I want to teach my kids to be critical of. Because, first of all: No Mexican children are afraid of death? And what about American children--don't they celebrate something very similar to Day of the Dead (Halloween)? Why would they then be so afraid of death. Just stupid.
I even want students to be skeptical of me and my supposed authority when it comes to teaching them about culture. I mean, on the one hand, I have a knowledge base that I can certainly share with them. Yet I think it's totally appropriate that they realize that I'm not a native Spanish speaker, that my culture is not a Latino culture. And that, furthermore, this idea of "Latino culture" is problematic in itself, because the Spanish speaking world is huge and is comprised of a multitude of cultures. I mean, i want students to learn about those cultures and to explore them. But I want them to be skeptical of the idea of "Latino culture" in general.
The situation in my placement is difficult at times, because my philosophy (which I am so thrilled to be able to articulate) is so very different of that of my mentor teachers...yet I also recognize that I'm also a student, I'm also learning, and that I have a lot of room to grow. It's hard sometimes to be in a space where I disagree so vehemently with her approach while at the same time acknowledging my own need for growth and direction.
Having said that, we have our good days, and am generally able to be respectful and earnest with her in a way that has led to her giving me more freedom than I initially expected I'd have with her.
And as for the students, I am sooooo excited to start with them again on Monday. Every morning I wake up excited to see them, and I realize that I am in the right profession, and that is an amazing feeling.
I remain so grateful to get to work with this amazing kids.
So then, I'm proctoring the exam for one of my classes and my mentor teacher tells me I need to go next door to the other Spanish class where the teacher is out and there is a sub because the sub forgot to give the "modified" (I put in quotes even thought it is, yes, modified--because really it's just dumbed-down--multiple choice with two choices instead of 4, all the conjugations written out, etc.) test to one student and I need to go and find him and give him the other test. The problem: a) I don't know this class and I have NO IDEA who this student is, so I have to somehow find him and interrupt a class of 30 quiet students who are taking their exam, ie, there's no way to do this and not embarrass this poor child, b) the test has already been going on for 20 minutes, so by the time I find him, he's already a quarter of the way through the test and the sub just tells him he has to begin again. He looked incredulous when I told him, and it made me sick. Later I told my mentor teacher that that made me really uncomfortable, but she just changed the subject. I really struggle with knowing to what extent it's appropriate to push her.
For instance we were doing the seating chart yesterday and she asked me to find a "nice white boy," to seat next to a new transfer student. Now, I can totally appreciate that she wanted to make this new student feel comfortable--but to frame that in terms of race?! Normally I can put on a good face with her, but I asked her point blank, "Why do we have to find a WHITE student to sit next to J?" and then she got kind of uncomfortable and started stammering that it didn't have to be a white student, but it did have to be someone nice and sensitive. As though the two are one and the same! So upsetting.
I am so grateful for all the work we did in my methods class with backward design, with thoughtful assessments, with classroom management and, perhaps above all, with our own, individual philosophy of teaching and learning. I am amazed at how clearly I see my identity as a teacher. I made a sort of poster for myself to hang over my desk to remind myself of my values as a teacher and to remind myself that my lessons and my teaching should always reflect those values. I wrote:
-self-assessment (teach students to assess their own work and performance)
-independence (teach students to be independent, let them make decisions about their own education)
-trust (trust that the majority of the students are going to do the right thing, and treat them accordingly)
-social justice/activism (I thank S for teaching us that teaching and activism need not be mutually exclusive)
-exploration/real-life learning (I want students to explore what is interesting and meaningful to them).
-cross-curricular teaching (I want students to make connections across content areas, and to strengthen skills that will serve them across content areas).
-study skills (it's important to me to teach how to be organized, how to take notes, how to read, etc.)
-intellectual character (I want students to think critically about things--more on that).
-caring (I try to get to know each of my students, and go out of my way to be kind to and care about even the most detached, eye-rolling, skeptical and apathetic among them)
-community (I want to build a community of learners in my class, building on each of their strengths and learning how to respect and value each other)
-respect (I will respect my students, their voice, their contribution, their autonomy...and I will expect them to respect me and each other by being prepared and coming to class ready to work).
This list has really been helpful to me as I go about designing lesson plans (to the extent to which I've been able to). I proposed to my mentor teacher showing the kids the documentary Precious Knowledge, which would be a way to talk about Latino culture here in the U.S. as well as opening up a dialogue about educational inequality. As the majority of my students are African American, I thought it would naturally open up a dialogue about, say, the case in Ann Arbor and, a decade later, the case in Oakland, CA, of school districts "teaching ebonics" (that's how I understood the controversy, at least, until I actually started researching it). My mentor teacher was unsurprisingly absolutely opposed to opening this dialogue and she assured me that I myself wouldn't be the least bit prepared to deal with the consequences. About which she is not entirely incorrect. So I wrote to S asking for her advice as to how to plan a unit like this, what to expect, and how to deal with whatever consequences as well as how to convince J and the administration that this is a worthwhile activity. I told J that we could leave at that, for now, and that I'd come at her with a firm plan later, which she could then evaluate again.
In terms of intellectual character, okay. So in October, the students watched some antiquated video about the Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico. Later, they had to answer the question (in Spanish): "What do Mexican children have no fear of?" The answer? "Death." It is exactly this kind of thing that I want to teach my kids to be critical of. Because, first of all: No Mexican children are afraid of death? And what about American children--don't they celebrate something very similar to Day of the Dead (Halloween)? Why would they then be so afraid of death. Just stupid.
I even want students to be skeptical of me and my supposed authority when it comes to teaching them about culture. I mean, on the one hand, I have a knowledge base that I can certainly share with them. Yet I think it's totally appropriate that they realize that I'm not a native Spanish speaker, that my culture is not a Latino culture. And that, furthermore, this idea of "Latino culture" is problematic in itself, because the Spanish speaking world is huge and is comprised of a multitude of cultures. I mean, i want students to learn about those cultures and to explore them. But I want them to be skeptical of the idea of "Latino culture" in general.
The situation in my placement is difficult at times, because my philosophy (which I am so thrilled to be able to articulate) is so very different of that of my mentor teachers...yet I also recognize that I'm also a student, I'm also learning, and that I have a lot of room to grow. It's hard sometimes to be in a space where I disagree so vehemently with her approach while at the same time acknowledging my own need for growth and direction.
Having said that, we have our good days, and am generally able to be respectful and earnest with her in a way that has led to her giving me more freedom than I initially expected I'd have with her.
And as for the students, I am sooooo excited to start with them again on Monday. Every morning I wake up excited to see them, and I realize that I am in the right profession, and that is an amazing feeling.
I remain so grateful to get to work with this amazing kids.
I just want to say that reading the story of the way you handled the situation with the boy who talked about the "retard quiz" tells me all I need to know about who you are as a teacher, Diane. I am confident that you can handle the subject matter and, with all due respect, that isn't the hardest part. The hardest part, I believe, is doing the work that you're doing right now, connecting *who* you are as a teacher with what you want to help make possible for your students. Verb conjugation is hard in its own way to be sure, but there's a clear answer to the question--here, there isn't. Here you have to look at who you are teaching, what you want to support and accomplish, what you know about the surrounding school culture, and what you can ascertain about the students and their stories. Taken seriously, as you're clearly doing, this process of meaning-making is hard...no answers in the back of the book.
ReplyDeleteI'll just say that starting with *how* you want to go about your business and what messages you want to convey strikes me as being as good a way to approach lesson planning as anything I've ever heard about.
You'll be just fine.